Part II

I, I don't know what I am doin' here. I saw those three kids on the street, they were smiling at me. Do you know what I do for a living? Do you know? I lie. Thats what I do. I lie and I create pieces of imagination. All in my head, and then out into the world. Its like this storm of treacherous ideas. I am destroying so much everyday, like on some subconscious mission. I am what you'd call a craven genius, a genius at evasion. Never quite facing it all for the fear of it just finishing me. The funny thing is, I don't mind ending now, or tomorrow. There isn't so much I love in life anyway. But something there is, out there, that I don't wanna face. Something I can evade for the rest of my life. Who knows about things? Just tell me, who knows about things?

Now we had a world back then that could be rationalized. Or atleast that is what people believed. That they could actually understand the world and its intentions. Today, today I don't get a goddamned thing. Learn from me how to fuck up your life. You know, these are moments of complacent self-criticism. You shouldn't misunderstand. You won't know me from this conversation. But then, will you know me otherwise? I feel like those colorful lights going out of focus. You know, at night on the streets, just keep looking and they'll blur.

That day was real bad. I just felt like everything would die and rot. And then dry up, and my throat just started contracting. I saw people gettin' killed and their blood filling up water tanks. You know, those huge ones housing blocks have. I saw blood everywhere. This deep red, absolutely aesthetically percieved. I fell down and broke I think. How long can you take it?

Everyone I loved went away. Like I committed some crime. Like its a sin. I think I have forgotten their faces. But I remember I used to always make love to my wife very softly. She likes it that way. Very softly, no funny business. Even the most inconsequential touch was soft. She just vanished, or did I go blind. I don't remember very clearly. But its not painless you know. The pain just doesn't hit immediately. Takes a little time. Then all the people dying. Bad business I say. We, are all a bunch of fucking murderers aren't we?

I saw children that night, without any inocence, cruel and brutal. They were throwing stones at me. Those stones had an interesting texture. I felt some pain near my temple. I touched it and saw some blood in my hands. I think you people found me a little after that. I was shouting I think, when you found me.

You see, I was asking god why he had forsaken me. I was asking him why he was giving me so much pain. My soul felt wronged, the tears in my eyes weren't deliberate. You see, I didn't realize when they came out and drops fell into the blood on the ground. I couldn't find them after that. I was asking god why he left me all alone with so much pain to bear and without the strength to kill myself. I am a coward you see. Then I don't remember the rest. I blacked out I think. But that was a high energy moment.

I feel better now. Much better. Could you give me my medicine now? I would like to go to sleep.